Feelings Never Felt Before
by MidnightIncense
Summary: "We're a couple!" The words burst out of his mouth, louder than was necessary and full of tortured emotion. The giggling cut off abruptly. The aquarium employee gaped at him. What Abeno looked like, he didn't know, because he didn't dare look.
1. Chapter 1

The sky was an angry ocean. Hanae watched as water flowed over the flower shop awning like waves that never receded. The heavy summer air permeated the shop and made the flowers' smell thicker. No one would come to buy flowers today, he knew, but he didn't want to leave the warmth of the shop just yet. Hanae closed his eyes and imagined himself stranded in a tropical forest. The dense air and rushing sound of rain were a convincing backdrop.

 _I wonder what Abeno-san_ _is doing_ … He hadn't seen Abeno since summer break had started, and he hadn't been asked to accompany him on any jobs as of late. _Maybe youkai take summer vacations too_ , he thought idly, knowing, though, that this was unlikely and that Abeno would have scoffed at him if he'd heard.

Hanae sighed aloud and walked around the counter to close the door to the shop. After he'd swept up a bit and made sure the flowers were all in good health, he headed toward the entry to his home. But when he opened the door, he found himself on the threshold of the Mononokean.

Abeno sat kneeling in the middle of the floor, dressed in full Mononokean attire and hands folded primly in his lap. Anyone who experienced Abeno like this for the first time would think him a patient and refined sort of fellow, though his bright blond hair would paint him as a bit eccentric. Hanae thought the same when he first met the Master of the Mononokean almost a year ago, before he discovered his true personality was surly, unpredictable, and sprinkled with occasional fits of cluelessness and narcolepsy.

Abeno's gold eyes flashed at him. "You're thinking something bad about me, aren't you."

Hanae almost jumped, but had enough presence of mind to remember that although Abeno possessed many spiritual gifts, telepathy was not one of them. He laughed lightly. "I was not. Why would you say that?"

Hanae shucked off his shoes and stepped into the room. The tatami felt soft beneath his sock feet.

 **Hi, Hanae! \^o^/** , read the Mononokean scroll. Hanae grinned and greeted it back.

"Where's Fuzzy?"

"Somewhere," Abeno said, and when Hanae's expression made it clear how unhelpful this response was, he looked around and then jerked his chin toward the corner of the room. Fuzzy was snuggled up on a cushion there, sleeping.

Hanae smiled fondly at the little youkai and sat down across from Abeno. "So, what's up? Is there a job?"

Abeno stared at him for so long that Hanae wriggled uncomfortably, but in the end it was Abeno who turned away first. "No," he said. "No one's called on me."

"Oh." Hanae blinked. "Then…" He thought it over, trying to work through every other viable possibility for Abeno's presence than what first popped into his head. But he could find no other explanation than what he was thinking, unless for some reason Abeno came to borrow a cup of sugar. "Then this is just a social visit?" It came out as a question, because despite his reasoning, he was still afraid of sounding presumptuous.

Abeno wore a sour face, but said nothing. A cautious bud of warmth blossomed in Hanae's chest. He leaned forward.

"Guess even the Master of the Mononokean gets lonely, huh? You could have texted me, though, rather than bringing the whole Mononokean to my door."

"Texting takes too long."

"Texting takes minimal effort."

"So does opening doors."

Hanae laughed. Abeno's brow furrowed, which only made Hanae laugh harder. Abeno clicked his tongue and crossed his arms.

"Okay, so what do you want to do, then? I admit, my summer vacation has been pretty boring too…" Hanae's spirits flagged as he thought of Saga and Fusshi. They hadn't contacted him and he had been too nervous to try reaching out to them first, considering the amount of times he had to suddenly ditch them in the middle of plans to attend to Mononokean business.

Abeno shrugged a shoulder and Hanae sat back on his hands. "Come to think of it, have we ever hung out outside of work or school? I don't think we have! Weird."

"Do you have any ideas or what?"

Hanae considered. He was pretty easily pleased, he wouldn't mind just sitting around or going out to eat, but he wasn't sure what kinds of things Abeno liked to do.

"Uh… Do you like fish?"

Abeno tilted his head. "To eat?"

"No, no. Like an aquarium. The weather's pretty awful, but there's an aquarium closeby, and I think it's cheap on Sundays. Could be fun?"

"Okay, I guess?"

Abeno's tone was not altogether convincing and Hanae felt a sudden wave of sadness. He and Abeno were both humans who could see and use Influence on youkai, but that was where their similarities diverged. As far as Hanae knew, Abeno didn't have any other human friends and his interest in the human world was so little he can't have had many childhood experiences such as going to the park or zoo.

Hanae had done these kinds of things often in his youth, with family and friends. It was normal to him, even boring by now. But whenever he talked about such things with Abeno, the other teen's eyes took on a faraway sheen, as though Hanae was describing a hypothetical concept.

 _I've decided, I'm going to give Abeno-san a great human memory!_ Hanae's chest flared with determination.

"Alright!" He shot to his feet. "Aquarium it is."

Abeno rose. "I should change, I guess. Mononokean, open a door to my room."

Hanae's ears pricked. "That's right… You have a house."

"What, did you think I lived in this room?"

"Of course not! I just… I've never really thought about it."

"Hm."

Abeno crossed to the door and opened it just enough to fit through. Hanae took a step and strained his neck to see room beyond.

"Um… Can I see…?"

Abeno's golden eyes burned at him through the cracked door. "No." He slammed it behind him.

Hanae pursed his lips, but wasn't surprised. He padded to where Fuzzy was napping and gently woke him. Fuzzy's tails wagged manically when he realized who was before him, and he jumped up onto Hanae's shoulder to nuzzle his cheek. Hanae scratched the top of Fuzzy's head, relishing the feel of his downy fur.

He considered bringing Fuzzy along to the aquarium, but at last decided against it. As much as he loved the little youkai, he couldn't balance entertaining both Fuzzy and Abeno.

Abeno came out of the door in a white button down and slacks. It was in reality the most nondescript outfit a person could wear, but Abeno made it seem fashionable. He was the type that looked good in both traditional and modern clothes, and sometimes Hanae envied him for it.

"So, we'll take the bus and buy tickets when we get there."

Abeno's brow pinched. "Why can't we just open a door?"

"No." Hanae jabbed a finger at him. "We're taking the bus there and we're taking it home too. I'm going to force you to be a regular human today. No Mononokean."

 **Aww…** the Mononokean's scroll read. But then quickly flipped to, **It'll be fun, Itsuki. Do it Hanae's way.**

Abeno did not look convinced, but he allowed Hanae to corral him outside and onto a bus with minimal glaring or complaint. Hanae had to pay for the tickets when they arrived at the aquarium, since Abeno only had Underworld currency on him. Abeno then grew morose from embarrassment, despite Hanae's assurances that the cost wasn't much, that it was his treat. Even saying he could take it out of his debt didn't help. He tried to bring Abeno out of his sulk by taking him to see the prettiest tanks first.

"Look, Abeno-san!" He pointed at a bloom of luminescent jellyfish. "Aren't they cool?"

Abeno sidled up to the tank and studied them. "They look like youkai." The comment was neither positive nor negative, more a statement of fact.

"Yeah, I bet a lot of the things in here would resemble youkai. They come in all shapes and sizes, huh? Some jellyfish are poisonous, did you know?"

"Everyone knows that."

Hanae's hackles rose. "Well, did you know," he glanced quickly at the plaque next to the tank, "that jellyfish have no brain, heart, bones, or eyes?"

Abeno turned sharply to him. "What?" He looked shocked, maybe a little terrified, and Hanae felt satisfied.

"Yeah. They only have a mouth and tentacles with stingers on them. Crazy, right?"

Abeno glanced at the jellyfish with suspicion. "How are they even alive if they don't have a brain or heart?"

Hanae shook his head. They stared at the jellyfish for a long while, and it started to dawn on him how odd the jellyfish's existence really was. The luminescent creatures just drifted through the ocean, eating automatically, stinging thoughtlessly. They had no capacity for anything else; they didn't even know there _was_ anything else. Hanae couldn't decide if this was sad or spooky.

"I take it back," Abeno said quietly. "They're not like youkai at all. Let's go somewhere else." He walked toward one of the other shadowed tanks, and Hanae followed without a word.

They walked from spot to spot, following the flow of people. They experienced the tropical fish, eel, and shark displays in almost total silence. Abeno didn't look mad or bored, but Hanae couldn't help but feel that the jellyfish tank had knocked the mood askew. If he didn't set it right soon, this attempt at making a positive human memory for Abeno would turn into a disaster.

Hanae stopped to check one of the lit signs. His eyes went immediately to the entry with paper hearts all around it and a notice saying "Special Performance! Today Only!" _Penguins! Perfect! Everyone loves penguins._

"Abeno-san! Let's go here."

Abeno squinted at the sign. Hanae grabbed his arm and drew him in the direction of the penguin enclosure. Abeno made some testy noises and tried to pull away, but Hanae tightened his grip and kept pulling. Abeno _would_ have a good time, even if he had to force it on him.

They passed through a tunnel in one of the large tanks, and Hanae felt a drag behind him. He slowed and glanced back. Abeno had his head tilted up to look at a massive whale shark as it drifted over them. The shadow darkened the passage for a good ten seconds. Several large fish swam by in its wake and Abeno's eyes followed them.

Hanae studied the way the blue and white lights filtering through the tunnel danced over Abeno's face. He looked younger like this. Softer. But then he was only sixteen, wasn't he? So young and he already had the hopes and dreams of an entire world on his shoulders. It was a lot to ask of one person, but he had never heard Abeno complain. From the snips of stories and comments from youkai and the Legislator and Justice, Abeno had been working for the Mononokean since he was very young.

 _Did he ever have a proper childhood?_ Maybe not. Maybe Abeno's disinterest in humans was not disinterest at all, but lack of understanding. A child raised by the Underworld would of course shrink from the mundanity of the real world.

Hanae's heart ached to think of it, and he was seized with a powerful urge to pull Abeno to him and hug him tight. But just when he thought it, Abeno's eyes flashed toward him. Hanae's heart bumped in his chest.

"That," Abeno said flatly. "What is it."

"A-ah…" It took him a moment to sort through the panic of his pounding heart, but Hanae realized Abeno was not staring at him, but beyond. He turned. "Oh, uh… That's a stingray," he managed.

 _What was I thinking just now?_ He could only imagine how weirded out Abeno would've been if he just pounced on him and started squeezing.

Abeno's gaze followed the stingray as it fluttered against the side of the tank. The gills and mouth on its underside made it look like it was wearing a dopey smile as it glided on.

"Oh!" Hanae hopped a little as a memory struck him. "This aquarium has a petting pool. Do you want to go?"

"A petting pool?"

"Yeah! You can touch starfish and crabs—and stingrays! You can pet them."

A flicker of interest passed over Abeno's face. "...Do you want to?"

Hanae laughed and announced that he absolutely did, since Abeno obviously wanted to. They walked in that direction, and after about a minute or so, Abeno spoke again, "Why are you still doing that? I'm not going anywhere."

"Hm?" Abeno nodded down and Hanae realized he still had Abeno by the wrist. "Oh!" He immediately let go and tucked his hand underneath his other arm. "Sorry," he mumbled, feeling suddenly hot and ungainly.

Thankfully, Abeno didn't seem to notice. Or if he did, he didn't let on.

The petting pool area was clogged with children. The littlest kids were especially fond of plunging their arms into the shallow pools and pulling them out, screaming with delight, the minute anything brushed their hands. Patient parents and employees shushed and reminded them not to scare the animals.

Abeno looked daunted by the crowd, and even though Hanae felt intimidated as well, he drew in a breath and muscled them a spot at one of the pools.

"No stingrays over here yet," he said to Abeno. "But one should come around soon…. Look at those weird fish!"

"They're horn sharks."

Hanae looked up at Abeno in wonder. "Really? How do you know?"

"Says on the plaque." He nodded to the wall, and sure enough there was a plaque that had the names and pictures of everything you could experience in the tank.

"Wow…"

Hanae cautiously ran a finger over the little shark's back. Its skin was smooth, but felt tough at the same time. It was very strange, and he encouraged Abeno to try it for himself. His companion obliged and looked rather bemused at the texture of the shark as well as the spiny starfish he picked up next. But an oncoming stingray soon arrested his attention.

Abeno pushed past Hanae and slipped his hand into the water to skim the ray's back as it swam by. He looked pleased by this alone, but the beginnings of a smile perched in the corner of his mouth when the stingray pivoted around and swam back under his hand. The other children seemed frightened of the stingray's size and speed, so Abeno had the sole pleasure of the stingray's fly-bys. The creature was delighted by the attention.

Hanae smiled at his friend's happiness, and felt quite accomplished in his goal of creating a positive memory for Abeno.

"Ashiya. I thought you wanted to pet this."

"Huh?"

"We came here because you wanted to. Aren't you going to pet the stingray?"

Hanae blinked at Abeno, but he didn't appear to be joking around. He almost laughed then, but he held it in. " _I'm_ the one that wanted to pet the stingray. Right," he said and approached. "Oh. Weird. Feels like wet rubber."

Abeno's mouth quirked. They petted it a moment and Hanae grew bolder. When the stingray drifted sideways and exposed its belly, he went to rub that too.

The stingray opened its mouth and sucked his hand in. It didn't actually hurt. It felt like someone clasping your hand in theirs, only very fast and very suddenly. But Hanae expected it to hurt, and before his mind could rationalize, he went with the first primal response available to him.

Hanae screamed—loud—and snatched his hand back. Everyone around him jumped and backed away.

"What the hell, Ashiya?" Abeno hissed when he realized that he wasn't hurt at all.

"I'm sorry! It sucked my hand up and I panicked!"

Abeno muttered some choice words about him being ridiculous and crossed his arms. Hanae flushed and tried not to make eye contact with anyone. He could hear a group near them giggling, and when he finally mustered the courage to look up, he saw that two teenage girls were watching him. They were each pretty in their own way and he felt even more foolish to know that they saw his mistake.

"What are you staring at?" Abeno said, trying to follow his gaze. Hanae ducked his head.

"Nothing… Can we see the penguins now?"

Something like pity passed over his friend's face—but then it was only a small flicker in his impassive expression, so he could have been mistaken. Regardless, Abeno led them out of the crowd and toward the penguins.

An aquarium employee was stationed at a table at the entrance of the enclosure, beneath a sign that read "Penguin Love Fest! Couple's Event - Today Only." Hanae stared at the sign as they approached, but by the time his mind put two and two together, they were at the table already and the woman was staring up at them.

Her smiling face faltered when she looked at the two male persons before her. "Hello. Can I help you?"

"We're here to see the penguins," Abeno said without an ounce of awareness.

The woman's face turned apologetic. "Oh, well, today we have a special event for couple's only. I'm very sorry. You'll have to come back another time."

Hanae wanted to curl up and die. Worse still, through the burning embarrassment, he heard familiar giggles from behind them. The teenage girls had followed them into the room by some horrible design of the universe. They hovered by the clownfish tank, their eyes sparkling with schadenfreude as they watched him sweat and blush at Abeno's side.

Later, when he had a moment to reflect, Hanae credited their laughing presence plus his own heightened discomfort for his subsequent lapse in sanity.

"We're a couple!" The words burst out of his mouth, louder than was necessary and full of tortured emotion.

The giggling cut off abruptly. The aquarium employee gaped at him. What Abeno looked like, he didn't know, because he didn't dare look. He needed to escape _now._

"We want to see the penguins," Hanae said, trying to adjust for his outburst and ending up speaking barely above a whisper. "Please."

"O-oh," the woman managed, her cheeks pinkening. "I'm… I just assumed… I'm so sorry, of course you can go in." She got up in a flutter and held open the door to the penguin enclosure for them.

Hanae walked quickly inside.

"Ashiya."

He pretended not to hear and to be very interested in picking a seat instead.

"Ashiya..."

Hanae walked faster.

"Slow down, will you?" Abeno's voice was angry now, and Hanae's sense of self-preservation kicked in reflexively. He stopped and cowered.

Abeno didn't immediately abuse him with insults, though, and after a second of expecting death, Hanae lifted his head. Abeno was a long way behind him and was walking no faster than his dignity would allow to catch up. When he finally reached Hanae, he huffed.

"Geez. What is wrong with you? Are you that excited to see the stupid penguins?"

Hanae blinked at him and said dumbly, "What?"

"What's so great about penguins anyway?" Abeno side eyed the little birds wobbling around their enclosure. "They can't even walk straight."

"You… You're not mad?"

"Huh?"

"About the…" Hanae swallowed hard. "About the c-couple...thing?" Abeno stared at him, and Hanae desperately searched for some hint of what must be going through his head, but as usual he couldn't tell if he was angry, considering, or uncomprehending.

"I mean, I'm not thrilled you used me as an excuse, but obviously you really wanted to get in here, so I guess it's okay… Right?" The mild look on Abeno's face sharpened in an instant and his eyes flickered like molten gold.

Hanae's stomach squirmed. "Of course! I didn't mean anything weird by it!"

Abeno's expression relaxed, but Hanae's nerves were in ribbons. _What was that face Abeno made? It felt like a warning, but I… Why am I being like this? I really_ didn't _mean anything weird by it, but I feel so embarrassed and awkward now._

They found seats somehow and watched the show. It was a delightful performance, and Abeno's opinion of penguins' worth seemed to have risen after it finished, but Hanae could hardly focus.

He couldn't stop thinking about how fast his heart raced, and about the look on Abeno's face and the glint in his eyes when he asked what Hanae meant about their being a couple. In the distress of the moment, he had thought the look was suspicious, even angry, but when he recalled it now, it seemed more...afraid.

They rode the bus back from the aquarium with some poorly masked confusion on Hanae's side.

"That was fun," Abeno said as they stood at the crux of parting. "Thanks for inviting me."

The rain had stopped and the air smelled clean. The light summer breeze played with their hair and made ripples across Abeno's button down.

"Sure, no problem. I'm glad you had fun." Hanae tried a carefree smile, and was reasonably assured it looked convincing. He rallied his spirits and chirped, "I'm glad I was able to give a good memory, even if I did some weird stuff."

Abeno tilted his head. Hanae's chest constricted, but after a moment the other teen just said goodbye and walked in the opposite direction. Hanae watched his back until he disappeared around the corner, not knowing quite what he was feeling, but sure he had never felt it before.


	2. Chapter 2

"I want to understand what love is."

Itsuki sat on the floor of the Mononokean, legs folded beneath him and his kimono sleeves trailing the floor. A youkai had called on him that evening from the Underworld. He offered what few coins he had for advice, begging with such misery and confusion Itsuki felt compelled to take the job.

And then this was the task set before him.

The youkai was named Oshi, a squat, gloomy-looking fellow, with horns and one eye. Itsuki didn't let it show on his face, but he never would have pegged the youkai for the amorous type. But then, what did he know? Even unattractive people deserved happiness and for most people happiness included love. But… _I don't know. I guess I thought youkai were different._

With the exception of Shizuku and Jomatsu-dono, the youkai Itsuki knew didn't seem to care much about romance. Youkai weren't as frivolous with their feelings as most humans tended to be.

 _He wants to understand what love is?_ Itsuki's mouth tightened around the corners. He shouldn't have taken this job—he wasn't sure if he could deliver on what the youkai was asking of him.

"What about it?" he hedged.

Oshi worried his hands in front of him. "I want to know what it means to fall in love. How does it happen? Why does it happen? Does it go away, or is it permanent?"

Itsuki swallowed. Yep. This was out of his depth. He knew love; he had loved Aoi, but only in the admiring, familial sense. Romantic love was beyond him. He knew of it only in the most abstract terms, and even if he could put his impressions to words, he doubted his explanation would satisfy.

He needed someone of more feeling… Someone better with words.

Itsuki nodded sagely at Oshi. "I understand. Would you hold on one moment?" Oshi nodded and dropped his miserable gaze to the floor. "Mononokean, open a door to Hana Ashi."

 **Good call (** **_** **;)**. The characters rolled down the scroll in an embarrassed sort of tumble, and Itsuki felt a little better about his own discomfort.

He opened the door cautiously. It was just about dark, so the shop should be closing any moment now, and he didn't want to accidently get roped into a conversation with Ashiya's mother. She was a kind lady, but he was already overwhelmed.

The shop on the other side of the door was empty save for Ashiya himself. He was humming a children's song under his breath while he misted the flowers with a squirt bottle.

"Ashiya," Itsuki called. Ashiya turned with a startled flinch. "I need your help with a job. Come here for a sec." Ashiya didn't move immediately, and a small furrow creased Itsuki's brow as he studied his employee's body language.

Ashiya stared at him like he was trying to decipher a very troubling equation. He hugged the spray bottle to his chest like a ward, his eyes dark and pinched at the corners and his mouth pulled into a taut line.

Itsuki hadn't seen him since their trip to the aquarium last weekend. Ashiya had turned strange and nervous at the end of that day, and Istuki hadn't been able to figure out why. He had eventually decided that the shock of being bitten by the stingray had made him jittery. But that must not have been the reason for his skittishness. It seemed whatever affected him then was affecting him still.

 _Did I do something…?_ Itsuki couldn't remember offending Ashiya at any point, though, and Ashiya didn't look angry with him. In fact, he looked frightened, and maybe even a little guilty.

… _Did_ he _do something? Something he's scared I'll find out about?_

Itsuki shook the train of thought from his head. He'd sort whatever it was out with Ashiya later. The job came first.

"Ashiya, get your butt in here. Our guest is waiting," he hissed. "I need you."

Ashiya jolted to life. "Right. Sorry. I'll just…" He dropped the spray bottle down next to the nearest flower stand and walked toward him.

When he got closer, Itsuki noticed his cheek was smeared on one side with dirt. "What are you a middle-schooler? There's stuff on your face."

Ashiya's hand flew up to his cheek and Itsuki felt relieved at the usual fluster that overtook him. This was the person he knew. He hoped the oddness would be left outside the Mononokean so he wouldn't have to worry anymore.

Oshi turned more dejected when Ashiya stepped into the room. "A human? I would prefer if it was just you and me, Abeno-sama..."

"He's an employee of the Mononokean, and I think he can help you better than I could. He has more expertise in this matter. Or," Itsuki pulled a face, "at least I hope."

"Me? Have more experience than you?" Ashiya looked surprised for a beat, then a proud smile stretched across his face. "Huh. Never thought I'd hear that from your mouth."

Itsuki sniffed and kneeled.

Ashiya lowered himself to the floor across from Oshi. Fuzzy rushed out of the alcove and deposited himself firmly and affectionately in his lap. Ashiya gave the fuzzball pets as he bowed his head to Oshi.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Ashiya Hanae. What's the problem?"

"I'm Oshi…" The youkai glanced at Itsuki and then explained. "I want to know what it means to be in love."

Ashiya blinked in rapid succession. "Ah… I see…"

"I have a friend, Giri," Oshi continued. "We've known each other since we were young. We're very close. Or, at least, we were…" He clicked his claws together. "She told me the other day that she fell in love with me. Ever since then she's been…different. Strange. I don't understand her anymore, I don't understand what I'm supposed to do, and that makes me so…lonely."

Oshi's large eye glassed over and a tennis ball sized tear plopped onto the floor, splashing the hem of Itsuki's kimono.

"I want things to go back to how they were." Oshi's voice wobbled. "Please, Ashiya-sama, won't you tell me what this love is, and when it will go away and she'll be back to normal?"

Itsuki frowned. He may be inexperienced in love, but he had a sense that it wasn't that easy or straightforward. Oshi's friend may never stop being in love with him. And if Oshi continued to treat her with fear like this she would get her heart broken, if she hadn't already… _This love business is more trouble than it's worth._ He was glad he brought Ashiya in. He would know what to say. He always did.

But when Itsuki looked to him his heart jumped at the terror he saw in his friend's face. Fuzzy looked up at Ashiya, his eyes narrowing in concern. He pawed at his sleeve, to no avail.

"Ashiya?" Itsuki said as discreetly as he could. Ashiya swallowed, his face ashen, and Itsuki's stomach wriggled. He didn't understand what was wrong, but it made his chest ache to see the pain Ashiya was in.

Itsuki reached out a hand. He didn't know what he meant to do; he only knew that Ashiya was hurting and he needed to do _something_.

But Ashiya curled into himself and away from Itsuki's half-raised arm. Something inside Itsuki tightened and burned at this subtle rejection. He dropped his arm, hurt and bewilderment rushing over him so hard and fast he could hardly hear Ashiya when he spoke.

"I don't know what to tell you, Oshi-san," Ashiya said quietly. He hung his head so that his face was obscured by his shock of dark hair. "If she's fallen in love… Giri may never go back to being 'normal.' Love… It changes things. It changes you."

Itsuki frowned and traded glances between Ashiya and Oshi. They both looked miserable. This was not going well at all. He needed to intervene.

"Oshi-dono," he began, but then Ashiya straightened. His face was pale and his eyes sparkled with what looked like unshed tears.

"What's so strange about Giri falling in love anyway?" Ashiya demanded. Itsuki's mouth popped open at the stark fury in his voice. "You say you want Giri to go back to normal, but falling in love _is_ normal! It's only natural that close friends would start to have feelings for each other. It happens all the time, even when we can't help it." Ashiya curled his hands into fists and leaned toward Oshi. "Why is it so hard to understand her? You're friends, aren't you? She's still the same person you knew. Isn't it just that you don't _want_ to understand her?"

Oshi didn't seem to know what to say in the face of Ashiya's ferocious display. Itsuki was floored. He had never seen Ashiya so angry before, and it all seemed to come out of nowhere. Something soft and warm was in his lap, and when he looked down, he realized that Fuzzy had jumped off Ashiya's lap and was cowering on his.

"I…" Oshi stuttered. "I do want to…"

"Then you're just scared. You don't want things to change, right?"

Oshi's eye widened.

"Ashiya," Ituski warned. He laid Fuzzy aside and half rose out of his kneel to remove his employee from the room. He wouldn't allow his guests to be abused like this.

"Yes…" Itsuki paused and glanced at Oshi. The youkai cast his gaze down and wrung his hands. "Yes," he said again. "I am scared. Things were simpler before, but now they're changing, and if our friendship changes, who knows what else will change? What if Giri stops loving me, and then she stops wanting to be my friend?" Tears rushed into Oshi's eye again, falling in a steady stream. A small river formed in the tatami. "I don't… I don't want to lose her."

Ashiya sighed and sat back. The anger had ebbed out of him, and a deep sadness rose in its wake. "I know… But things have already changed, and there's no stopping it. Even if you're afraid, you have to face it. The only thing you can do is talk to Giri and explain your feelings, like she's done to you.

"You can't make Giri go back to the way she was. She can't. The only thing you can do is accept her as she is now. That doesn't mean you have to feel the same about her. But you owe it to Giri, as her best friend, to be honest and respectful, even if that means telling her you only want to be friends."

Oshi made a choked sound. Ashiya crawled across the floor, circumventing the pool of tears, and laid a hand on the youkai's head, giving it a gentle pat as Oshi cried. Fuzzy waddled over and nuzzled Ashiya's knee, and then Oshi.

Itsuki sat back and watched, feeling somehow like he was being left behind.

"You did good."

Itsuki and Ashiya stood facing each other in the darkened flower shop. They sent Oshi back to the Underworld, cried out and more hopeful than before. He thanked them and the Mononokean profusely for the advice and promised to be brave.

"I admit, I was a little worried when you started yelling." Ashiya winced and turned his dark eyes down to the floor. "But it worked. It would be better if you didn't lose your temper in front of a customer again, though, okay?"

Itsuki reached into his kimono sleeve and pulled out the Underworld currency Oshi had paid him. _Since Ashiya did all the work, he deserves the whole amount. Even if it's not much…_

"Hand," he prompted.

Ashiya raised his hand and Itsuki slipped the envelope into it. Before he could pull back, Ashiya clasped his other hand over Itsuki's.

"Abeno-san." Ashiya lifted his head. Itsuki chest tightened at the intensity he saw in the depths of his eyes. His heart beat faster, without him fully knowing why. But the electricity that sparked between them when Ashiya's gaze locked with his felt somehow dangerous.

"Er…" Itsuki cleared his throat, glancing down at Ashiya's hands folded around his. They were really warm, and he was pretty sure sweating. "Yes?"

Ashiya's throat worked for a moment. Then he drew in a shaky breath and said slowly, "I like you."

Itsuki stared. He tilted his head, trying to see if the words would translate differently if he rolled them around in his mind a bit.

Ashiya pressed his lips together, wet them, and continued. "It started at the aquarium, I think. Or maybe before that, I don't know. I wasn't sure until now, but talking with Oshi made me realize… I don't want to be scared anymore. I need to face it." His grip on Ituski's hand tightened. He took a step forward. "I like you, Abeno-san."

Itsuki's mouth went dry. There was barely a foot between them. Ashiya's hands were too warm. So was his gaze. And Itsuki's cheeks.

Itsuki pulled his hand away from Ashiya and took a step back, bumping up against a flower display. Hurt flitted across Ashiya's face, but he didn't try to reach out again. He watched Ituski with his dark, hopeful eyes.

Itsuki's body buzzed all over. His mind rioted with confusion.

"What do you think, Abeno-san?" Ashiya's voice was small from fear. They could both hear the tremor in it. Ashiya glanced away, and without his gaze pinning him, Itsuki felt a little air come back into his lungs.

 _What do I think?_ Ashiya was his classmate, his employee, his friend. _And now?_ He could still feel the ghost of Ashiya's breath against his lips.

"I…" Itsuki's voice crackled, and he paused to clear his throat. Ashiya brushed his fingers over the petals of a lily and glanced up from under the fringe of his bangs. "I…don't know."

Ashiya wrapped his arms around himself. "Oh."

Shame flared in Itsuki's chest. He didn't want to see Ashiya hurt. He didn't want to be the cause. _Why? Why did you say that? Why me?_ This was too much, too fast. Itsuki backed toward the door.

Moonlight drifted in through the window at the front of the shop, bathing the flowers in silver. Tears glistened like pricks of starlight at the corners of Ashiya's eyes, but they didn't fall. He watched steadily as Itsuki's back hit the door and he felt for the handle behind him.

Itsuki paused then. Heart pounding, stomach clenching, and head throbbing with emotions he had no idea how to sort. But he couldn't leave it like this. He owed Ashiya that much.

"I need to think about this," he murmured. "Can you give me some time…?"

"Of course. Take all the time you need." Ashiya's voice trembled, but he managed a smile.

That smile haunted Itsuki for the rest of the night.


	3. Chapter 3

Itsuki couldn't focus. Three days had passed since Ashiya confessed, and he had not been able to do anything productive in the meantime. He hadn't even been able to spend much time in the Mononokean, because it reminded him of the incident that began this confusion, and the Mononokean was far too perceptive. Last time he visited, the scroll displayed an artillery of nervous and curious faces and asked him what was wrong, where was Ashiya, maybe Ashiya could help.

But Ashiya could _not_ help.

"Ashiya's the one who did this to me," he growled into the dark, empty room. Itsuki flopped onto his bed and buried his face in the pillow.

He lived alone in an efficiency apartment in an out of the way neighborhood. This meant that it was private, cozy, and, most importantly, quiet. He savored the quiet. Except now the silence was an enemy. It pressed in on him, making it impossible to keep his confusing thoughts at bay.

 _Why did it have to be summer vacation?_ If Ashiya had confessed during the school year, Itsuki would at least have schoolwork to distract him, to give him a reprieve. But then he'd also have to spend eight hours staring at the back of Ashiya's head in class. He kind of wished he had the opportunity to do that, though. Then he might be able to figure him out.

Until that night in the flower shop, Itsuki never suspected Ashiya harbored romantic feelings for him. Even Ashiya admitted he hadn't known he felt those feelings until the aquarium. So then that meant over the course of a single day—in the span of a few hours—Ashiya's feelings for him had jumped from friendship to love.

 _How?_ Itsuki couldn't understand it. He hadn't done anything special, or, at least, he couldn't recall anything in his actions or words that were any different than any other day. _Maybe it was the aquarium. The change of scenery._

Ashiya had pointed out that they never spent time together outside of school and work, and he had been right. They'd never hung out just to hang out, so could that be the elusive variable? Ashiya had only seen him as a classmate or an employer, at most a friend, until that day. When there was no purpose between them but their own desire to spend time together, Ashiya had seen him as something more. As a person, as someone he could potentially fall in love with.

Itsuki felt hot all of a sudden. He stood and shook himself out, trying to dislodge the coiling, slithering something that had taken up residence in his chest every time he remembered Ashiya's confession. He paced, aware that the carpet had begun to look worn from three days of his restless feet tracking the same line across it.

 _The penguins._ Itsuki froze, realization and humiliation rushing to his cheeks. Ashiya had called them a couple then. He had turned bright red and nervous when he asked Itsuki if he was mad about it, and Itsuki, colossal oblivious idiot that he was, had assumed Ashiya's mind was only on penguins.

 _How could I have been so stupid!_ Itsuki grabbed the sides of his head and squeezed to keep from screaming. The reason for Ashiya's awkwardness, jumpiness, and more than usual weirdness was so glaringly obvious now. _He_ held my hand _for crying out loud!_

Itsuki wanted to curl up and die from embarrassment. In fact, since he was in the sanctity of his own home, he did his best to do just that. He lay on the itchy grey carpet and stared out the window, watching the moon hang in the sky and the stars twinkling merrily around it.

Did love, then, just sneak up and jump on you when you least expected it? Could you have nothing but platonic feelings for someone and then time and place just suddenly came into alignment and love blossomed in their wake? Ashiya had looked so sure when he confessed. And here Itsuki was, wallowing on the floor, his thoughts and feelings tangled in his head like a ball of yarn.

 _I kind of understand how Oshi-dono felt now…_ He wished he had someone he could go to for advice. But there was no one. He'd rather die than let the Legislator get wise, and he had no human friends. None but Ashiya.

Itsuki frowned and curled onto his side. He had only Ashiya for advice... But he had already had his advice, to Oshi. Itsuki pulled himself up into a sitting position. _What did Ashiya tell him again?_ _To be brave and face them with respect?_ Itsuki shook his head. That sounded like advice for how to reject someone, and he wasn't sure he wanted to reject Ashiya.

Itsuki frowned deeper. He wasn't sure he wanted to reject Ashiya? _Then… I plan to accept?_ But his feelings remained ever undecided on the matter. His chest ached to think of rejecting Ashiya. He couldn't erase the image of Ashiya in the flower shop, watching with tears in his eyes as Itsuki ran from him. But when he thought of telling Ashiya he returned his feelings… Itsuki's heart pounded in his chest, and he had the distinct feeling of stepping out to find his foot hovering over a dark abyss.

He owed it to Ashiya to give him an honest answer. After three days of contemplation, he still wasn't sure how he felt, but he had some clues as to what would lead him to the truth of his heart.

Itsuki knew what he needed to do.

Hanae picked at his breakfast and tried to ignore his mother's looks. She hadn't pried about his mood since that first night, and for that he was grateful, but he could feel her motherly concern from across the room all the same. Hanae sighed and nibbled a dribble of egg from his chopsticks.

His phone chirped, dancing a bit across the table as it vibrated. Hanae glanced at it without interest. Saga and Fusshi had finally decided to contact him about going out today, and for once in his life, Hanae had the certainty of free time to say yes, but the irony was he didn't feel up to it. He hadn't had the energy to reply, though, and his phone buzzed constantly while Saga and Fusshi talked the plans over in the group chat.

Hanae plucked a few more bites from his plate while his phone chirped again and again like a hungry baby chick. Eventually he convinced himself that he shouldn't leave his friends hanging anymore. He reached for his phone with his free hand and glanced at the screen.

Hanae dropped his chopsticks with a clatter and shot up from his seat. His mother made a startled sound, but he barely registered it. Right there, buried beneath Saga and Fusshi's kaomojis and chatter, was a single text from Abeno.

 **Are you free today?**

Hanae stared at the words, heart galloping in his chest. Then Saga and Fusshi sent another flurry of messages and Abeno's name dropped off the screen.

"No, come back!" he yelled at the phone. He stabbed his pass code in and opened the message, ignoring all other notifications.

The timestamp said it was sent twenty minutes ago. Hanae broke into a sweat.If he hadn't been ignoring his texts he would've had time to think, but now he was afraid that Abeno would think he was being ignored if he didn't answer soon.

 _Dang it, Saga and Fusshi! Why do you always have such bad timing?_

Hanae's hands shook as he typed back. **Yes…** He let out a breath when it sent. Now he just had to wait—

 **Get dressed. I'm coming to pick you up in 10.**

Hanae felt his soul shoot out through his open mouth and hit the ceiling. _He's coming? NOW?_ He snatched his plate from the table and dumped it in the sink.

"Hanae?" his mom said as she watched him rush around the kitchen like a headless chicken.

"Sorry, Mom!" he blurted, pecking her cheek as he rushed by her toward the stairs. "I'll clean up when I get back. But I— I gotta go."

Hanae slammed his bedroom door shut, pulled his sweats off, and tore through his dresser drawers. In a matter of seconds there was a massacre of clothes littering his floor and bed and Hanae felt like he was going to explode. _I don't know what to wear!_

He snatched his phone. **Where are we going?**

Again, a near instant reply: **I'll tell you when I get there.**

"No! Why?" Hanae wailed aloud. Why was Abeno picking now of all times to be mysterious? The clock continued to tick down. Hanae decided on a powder blue t-shirt and neutral shorts. He checked himself in the mirror. It was strange seeing himself in the summer; he was so used to his uniform, it felt alien to be in casual clothes. He patted his hair down in the places it was sticking up and resigned himself that this was as good as it was going to get.

Hanae sat down on his clothes-strewn bed and tried not to wring his hands red. Abeno wanted to go out with him. _As in…_ goout _with me_? Was this a date? He began to sweat. _No, no, don't jump to conclusions, Hanae! Abeno-san said he needed time to think. You have respect that and not force your feelings on him._ But if it wasn't a date… Then was it a rejection? Hanae sweat more. He decided now would be a good time to put on deodorant.

By the time he'd finished, Hanae convinced himself that Abeno wouldn't make him get dressed and drag him outside just to reject him. It was probably a job. Just a job. So he had to stop letting his fantasies run away with him and be professional. Starting with answering Saga and Fusshi.

He opened the group chat and typed: **Sorry, guys! I have plans today ^^; Next time!** His friends sent grumbling replies and pouty faces, but he hardly saw them.

"I'm going to see Abeno-san…" The thought brought with it a mixture of emotions: fear and nervousness at the forefront, but also excitement. Hanae smiled in spite of himself. He lay back on the bed and rolled around to try to disperse some of his jittery energy.

His bedroom door opened. Hanae rolled off the bed and flattened himself behind the coffee table. He realized too late what a ridiculous and cowardly thing it was to hide, but he panicked.

"...Hanae? What are you doing?"

Hanae poked his head out. "Oh… Hi, Mom." He stood and smoothed his clothes. "What's up?"

"Abeno-kun is here."

Hanae's stomach somersaulted. _He didn't use the Mononokean?_ "Uh, great. Thanks, Mom."

"He looks handsome." She tilted her head at him and smiled. "So do you."

Hanae blushed and laughed to cover it up. "Thanks. Uh, so I'm going out now." He walked past her toward the stairs. "With Abeno-san."

"Have fun. Bring him back to dinner if you can."

Abeno stood in the downstairs doorway. He wore a pink striped t-shirt and dark wash jeans, which was vastly different from the kimono and button downs Hanae was used to seeing him in. He looked obscenely good in casual clothes; so good that Hanae didn't even bother to feel jealous or shabby in comparison. It was like being envious of a diamond for sparkling. The early summer sun shone off Abeno's hair and warmed his eyes to burnished gold.

Hanae swallowed and gripped the railing for support. Abeno looked like a sun god come to call.

Abeno's eyes found his, and at first he looked startled and unsure, but then his eyes narrowed to slits. Hanae broke into a cold sweat.

"W-what?" Hanae barked. "Why are you leering at me?"

Abeno's brow furrowed and his face relaxed incrementally as if it was a very concentrated effort. "I'm...not," he said after he'd managed to bring his glare down to a simmer. "I wasn't. I was just…" he crossed his arms and turned away, "looking."

The first thought that popped into Hanae's head was, _Do you like what you see?_ And hot on its heels was, _Why am I so hopeless?_ He couldn't believe he was this much of a mess. Why couldn't his heart have picked an easier target than the master of the Mononokean?

Hanae summoned all of his courage and walked to the door. His skin hummed this close to Abeno, but he thought he did a pretty good job of sounding casual when he asked, "You didn't bring the Mononokean today?"

"No." Abeno glanced at him askance and pressed his lips together. The action felt loaded. Hanae's chest constricted. _He's going to answer. Right here on my doorstep. He's going to dump me on my doorstep!_

"Abeno-san—"

"Ashiya—"

They both began and stopped at the same time. They blinked at each other, and then Hanae laughed. "Sorry, you go first..." he said with a nervous smile.

Abeno's eyes lingered on his smile a moment, then he nodded, seemingly to himself. "Ashiya," he said, and his fierce gold eyes locked Hanae into place. "Let's go on a date.


	4. Chapter 4

"Ashiya. Let's go on a date." Itsuki fisted his hands at his sides as he spoke the words. Even though he had practiced and practiced in front of his mirror, it didn't prepare him for this moment. His skin still felt hot and itchy, and his heart felt like it was going to punch a hole through his chest.

He took these both as valuable indications of his feelings, but he needed more to be sure.

Ashiya's blue eyes were wide enough to drink from, and Itsuki had a sense that he would drown in their depths if he stared any longer. But he refused to look away. _Say something. Say_ something, _or I'm going to lose my confidence and take it back._

Ashiya gulped. "Yes?"

"Yes?"

"Yes," Ashiya said with more confidence. "Yes, absolutely. Let's do that."

Itsuki's stomach twisted. This is what he'd hoped Ashiya would say, but he hadn't expected his heart to pound quite so hard. He considered the possibility that he was suffering a heart attack. _Either that, or..._

"But, um." Ashiya fidgeted. "Why? I thought you needed to think. Or is this your answer?" The hopeful light returned to Ashiya's face and Itsuki's spirits dropped, knowing he'd have to see it fade in a second.

"I'm still thinking. This is part of it." Ashiya shrunk a fraction and a pang shot through Itsuki's chest. _This is part of it_ , he reassured himself. _Seeing how I feel when I see him._

"What do you mean?"

"I was thinking… And I wasn't getting anywhere. So I decided that the only way I can give you an honest answer is to recreate the aquarium day. So," Abeno cleared his throat and tried not to feel ridiculous when he said, "I want to go on a date, to see whether I start to feel what you felt. Go ahead and act like you did then. The...hand holding and whatever."

Ashiya stared at him like he was crazy.

"Are you crazy?"

Itsuki blinked. _Huh. I'm already getting better at reading him. Success._

"I can't just _go on a date with you_ and act like it's normal as some kind of _experiment_! Especially not while you're still not sure about your feelings for me!" Ashiya paced. "It's too much. Plus, we already went to the aquarium; it'll be super weird if we did everything all over again."

"Sorry, no. We're not going there. We're going somewhere else."

Ashiya stopped pacing. "Where?"

Itsuki shrugged. "Somewhere you'll like, I promise. It rated highly for a first date spot."

Ashiya's face went bright red. "Y-you…" Tears threatened in the corners of his eyes, born of a complicated concoction of emotions. It made his eyes look like a storming sea, and Itsuki had a distinct feeling of being adrift.

 _What's he so angry about? I thought Ashiya would be excited…_

Itsuki shoved his hands into his pockets. "I…" He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. I thought this would be a good idea. But I guess not." The summer sun beat down on the back of his neck, turning all his thoughts and good intentions to mush.

Ashiya's expression softened. He turned his face away and swiped at his eyes. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak out. I just… Everything's just a little confusing right now, you know?"

"I know. But I think this will help."

Ashiya peered at him through his long lashes and Itsuki was mesmerized by the way the sun's rays gleamed off his eyes. The storm in them had cleared, turning them to pools of cool, clean water. Ashiya's cheeks had faded to a rosy pink, the same color they were when he had held his hand and said the fateful words: _I like you, Abeno-san._

He looked so vulnerable in the moment, as if a single wrong word or action would break him. A gentle warmth blossomed in the pit of Itsuki's stomach. It came on him so slow he hardly registered the change until his hand closed over Ashiya's. Ashiya startled, and when he realized what he'd just done, Itsuki's heart bucked too. But he didn't let go.

"I know it's hard, but will you give it a try?" he asked.

Ashiya glanced down at their hands for a long moment. He nodded. Itsuki released a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

Ashiya blinked at him. "Your face is red."

Itsuki's unoccupied hand flew to his cheek. It was burning.

Ashiya's mouth popped open. "You're blushing! Oh my god." He grinned and hopped up once, jogging Itsuki's arm up and down. "Oh my god," he said again, his smile growing to ear splitting proportions.

"Shut up," Itsuki growled. "Stop acting like a five year old and let's go." He dropped Ashiya's hand, pivoted, and began to stride away. His face burned hotter than ever, but he was determined to stabilize it by willpower alone.

"Hey, wait!" Ashiya was at his side in a moment. He peered at Itsuki's face and released a giddy laugh.

Itsuki pursed his lips and tried to decide if the sound was cute or annoying. He eventually decided it was both. He also decided that he would make sure that only Ashiya would be blushing from now on. And if for some reason Itsuki was tricked into blushing again, he would do it only in private where no one but Ashiya saw.

They walked a few blocks in relative silence. When Itsuki told him they were going to wait for the next bus, Ashiya clasped his hands behind his back and rocked back on his heels. His smile had turned secretive.

"You sure you aren't copying me?" he lilted. "If you really were going to redo the aquarium, that's okay. I've decided it might not be so bad. I wouldn't want you to go out of your way."

"I told you, I have a plan, and it's not the aquarium. How unoriginal do you think I am?" Itsuki huffed and rolled his eyes, but his head filled with a dizzying lightness. Ashiya had returned to the silly, carefree boy he had been before the confession. Itsuki hadn't realized how much he missed his smiling face and jibes.

The bus rolled in and they boarded. When Ashiya reached for his card to pay, Itsuki shouldered him aside and shoved the yen fee in the box for them both.

"I'm paying today," he said gruffly.

Ashiya blinked at him. "You're a real gentleman."

"I'm just returning the favor. Don't get any weird ideas."

"No weird ideas here. I mean, it's totally normal for you to want to pay for your date."

A blush threatened Itsuki's cheeks. _What the hell? Again?_ He stomped to a seat and plopped down into it.

"Why are you mad?" Ashiya settled into the seat next to him. "Really, I wasn't making fun of you. I'm touched."

Itsuki knew Ashiya was smiling and felt a stab of fear for what might happen if he looked directly at Ashiya's face. He looked out the window instead.

 _I'm beginning to think this is a very dangerous idea_. He was far too nervous and off balance for his liking. _But… Isn't that the point?_ Itsuki rested his head in his hand and cradled the thought for the remainder of the ride.

They disembarked, and Itsuki led them on a meandering path through the streets until they reached the chosen location. He paused in front of the entrance to let Ashiya absorb.

The effect was just as he hoped. Ashiya froze. His eyes went wide and his lips parted in silent awe.

"Abeno-san…"

The entrance was a quaint, unassuming building, with the words Koishikawa Korakuen Gardens printed neatly above the door. It was one of the most beautiful and highly rated botanical gardens in Tokyo. Autumn and spring were the prime seasons for viewing, but Itsuki was certain it would still be worth seeing even now. Ashiya's face proved him right.

Itsuki allowed himself a proud smile. "You like it?"

"I love it." Ashiya's response was instantaneous and he said it with enough force to knock the breath from Itsuki's lungs.

Fortunately, he didn't have time to suffer over this, as Ashiya grabbed him by the hand and bolted toward the entrance. Itsuki had barely enough time to hand the attendant their tickets before Ashiya swept him into the garden.

"Oh!" Ashiya gasped and halted.

The world inside the garden was a watercolor. The lawns stretched lush and perfectly manicured, and here and there the green was punctuated by the soft babble of a brook, or a plume of summer flowers.

The garden exceeded all of Itsuki's expectations; it was far more beautiful than the pictures and descriptions online. "Told you it was better than the aquarium."

"Yeah." Ashiya laughed. His giddiness and wonder made his voice tremble. "This is amazing. I— I can barely talk. I love this so much." His hand tightened around Itsuki's. A tingle of warmth blossomed in Itsuki's stomach and shot down towards his feet.

"Japanese irises!" Ashiya yelped and let go of his hand to run off toward a bunch of purple and yellow flowers. Itsuki frowned down at his empty hand.

Ashiya bounded through the garden like an overlarge puppy, and Itsuki trailed him like a beleaguered but admiring owner. As they paraded around, Itsuki was surprised that he hadn't seen more than one or two other people. Summer appeared to be an unpopular time, but he couldn't understand why.

The air smelled thick with floral perfume and rich earth. Birds sang from the uppermost branches and cicadas screamed from the lower. The weather and surroundings were so sublime, after a while they calmed Ashiya to stroll. Occasionally he stopped, pointed out a plant, and shared what he knew of it. Itsuki listened to the cadence of his voice, studied the pleasant lines of his face, committed to memory how nice Ashiya looked in a t-shirt and shorts. He only heard every other word, but he wanted Ashiya to keep talking and for the peace of the moment to continue indefinitely.

He and Ashiya stopped in the middle of a bridge and stood side by side to study the koi swimming lazily in the river beneath.

"Mm." Ashiya released a contented sigh and closed his eyes. "This place reminds me a little of the Mononokean."

"How so?"

"Not sure. I guess… I feel like I can imagine you standing on this bridge in your kimono, looking at the cherry blossoms or feeding the fish. It feels peaceful like that. So I guess this place reminds me of you, not the Mononokean necessarily, but they're kind of tangled together in my mind."

"Mm."

Itsuki tilted his head up and watched the wind sift its fingers through the tree branches. It was true; this place was peaceful. It scattered your thoughts and made your mind empty of all but the quiet beauty of nature. It breathed possibility.

Ashiya's hand slipped into his. The wind hushed. The water beneath the bridge dulled to a whisper. The only sensations were the heat of their palms, the tingle of static where their arms just brushed one another, and the steady _thump_ - _thump-thump_ of Itsuki's heart. The moment felt suddenly sacred, and Itsuki was wary of ruining it by moving. But, carefully, he turned his head to look at Ashiya.

"This is beautiful, Abeno-san. I wasn't sure at first, but… I'm glad we did this. Even if you discover you don't feel the same, I don't regret confessing." Ashiya gave his hand a brief squeeze and, then, as if he had a sudden attack of self-consciousness, let it go. "I'm happy we tried going on a date. I'm happy you tried. It means a lot."

Ashiya smiled at him, but it was a complicated, somewhat sad looking thing. As though he didn't dare to hope too much, even as he practically handed Itsuki his heart. Itsuki's chest tightened. His legs felt wobbly and insubstantial beneath him. Without a word, he walked to the nearest patch of grass and dropped into a crouch, burying his head in his arms.

"Abeno-san?"

 _It's obvious. I know it is. I_ know _, but…_ Itsuki inhaled slowly, breathed out just as slowly.

The truth was he had these feelings for a long time, but he had been willfully misunderstanding them. He had barely known Ashiya a year, but their relationship had been changing constantly throughout. Every day, every job seemed to reveal more and more. Ashiya went from a weakling freeloader, to employee, to powerful exorcist, to an irreplaceable friend, and now… Now he felt just irreplaceable.

This smiling, easily upset boy held depths that even Itsuki didn't think he fully comprehended. It terrified him how quickly Ashiya jumped from one thing to another, without seeming to realize, without seeming to think. He smiled without guard, laughed with abandon, fought and lectured and advised when anger or sadness came upon him, insensible to how his every action tore Itsuki's carefully crafted defenses to ribbons.

Ashiya was just so… So much. So much more than him. More beautiful, more ridiculous, more powerful, more fragile. More human. He made Itsuki feel foolish and adequate. He made Itsuki want to tear his idealism apart, but in the same terrible thought, he wanted to shield Ashiya from any harm the world would bring. It made him want to yell at him, but for what? For making him hope that he could be more? Feel more?

 _I feel like I'm suffocating. I feel like I'm unraveling. Is this what love is supposed to feel like?_ Like you're breaking apart and rebuilding into something so big and warm and electric that you were just a little bit scared of it?

"Abeno-san? Are you okay?" Ashiya crouched down beside him. Itsuki could sense his hand hovering in the air, caught in the uncertainty of whether he should comfort or keep his distance.

Itsuki didn't want him to hesitate. He wanted Ashiya to charge at him like he charged at everything else. He _needed_ Ashiya to take the lead, to guide and stabilize him until he found his bearings and was able to meet him head on.

"Ashiya." He raised his head. "I'm done thinking. The answer is yes."

Itsuki watched as he absorbed his strangled declaration. Steadily, Ashiya's eyes widened and his outstretched hand fell to his side. A blush crept over his cheeks until he was red to the tips of his ears. Itsuki had a vague awareness that his own face was equally flushed.

"I… I like you." Itsuki swallowed. The words tasted foreign on his tongue, but he liked the way they hung in the air. He said them again, feeling stronger and more exposed all the while. "I like you."

Ashiya fisted his hands at his sides. "I like you too," he said, his face earnest through his violent blush. "A lot."

Itsuki breathed a laugh. "I know. And that's why I need you to help me. Through... _this_." He gestured between them.

Only this morning he would've been eaten up with embarrassment over having to ask for help, but for some reason it seemed okay now. He was nervous, but now that the truth lay bear between them he could see that Ashiya was fumbling just as much as he was. "You'd know better about this relationship thing than me. Even though I hate to admit it..."

"I'm not sure about that," Ashiya said, but he looked pleased. "Um. But, what exactly can I do to help?"

"You can lend me a hand, for starters."

Ashiya brightened. He took Itsuki's outstretched hand and just held it, happy as can be.

"I meant, lend me a hand and help me up," Itsuki deadpanned. "I can't feel my legs."

"Oh! I thought you wanted—" Ashiya stopped and laughed self consciously. "But, right. Sorry." He pulled him up.

Itsuki crossed his arms and stared out at the flowers swaying in the wind. He thought the world might look different now that he confessed, but nothing had changed. The same hot sun beat down on him, the same blue sky stretched above, the same awkward boy stood beside him grinning like a lovestruck lunatic. And that's how Itsuki knew this was right; it had been this way from the start.

"So… What now?" Ashiya asked after a quiet eternity.

"You decide," Itsuki said. He tried to sound flippant, but his voice had come out too soft for it to be believable.

Ashiya's brows drew together. "I don't think that's a good idea. I mean, I've had feelings for you a lot longer, so I'm a little farther along, you know? I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Liking you already makes me uncomfortable. I don't think you can do much more."

"That's the thing…" Ashiya's eyes flicked over Itsuki's face, lingering for a moment on his mouth. He ducked his head and mumbled, "I want to do a lot more."

An electric jolt shot down Itsuki's spine. He tightened his crossed arms over his chest. "Do it."

Ashiya's head snapped up. "W-what?"

His and Ashiya's blushes had faded, but now both came back full force.

"Do it," Itsuki said again, and for some reason his voice sounded furious. Or maybe just rough with desire. Another jolt shot through him, but this time it wasn't down his spine.

Ashiya gulped and backed away a step. Itsuki took a step closer.

"Why are you running away?"

"I don't know," Ashiya said. "I wasn't expecting you to be so…"

Doubt rolled into Itsuki's mind like a fat black cloud. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"No. I mean, yes, but it's not a bad thing. I kind of like this side of you."

"Oh. Okay." The doubt cleared and Itsuki nodded. "Then are you going to kiss me or what?"

Ashiya's mouth dropped open. "I can't just kiss you _right now_!" he spluttered.

"Why not?"

"Well…" Ashiya threw his gaze around the garden. "We're in public. It's embarrassing."

Itsuki didn't understand why he was acting like a blushing schoolgirl when he literally implied he wanted to kiss him five seconds ago. _So frustrating._ Itsuki scowled and realized for the first time that by falling for Ashiya he might have consigned himself to a slow romantic death.

"No one's here, Ashiya. Just us." He took another step. They were a breath away from each other now. He could see Ashiya was trembling slightly, and this made him feel braver somehow.

"Why do I have to do it?" Ashiya demanded, suddenly channeling the wrath of a cornered terrier. "You're a guy too! If you want to so badly, why don't you make the first move?"

"Fine."

Itsuki grabbed the front of Ashiya's shirt and pulled him forward. A startled noise escaped Ashiya's throat as their mouths crushed against each other. Later, in the privacy of his own home, Itsuki would play the sound back over and over, grinning like a maniac. But at present, he was acutely aware of how awful and terribly not planned out this kiss was.

He had been too hasty; it was too much force and his lip hurt where it bumped up against his teeth. Grabbing someone and kissing them looked way better in the movies.

Itsuki was mortified and wasn't at all surprised when Ashiya pulled back after about two seconds. He _was_ surprised, however, when Ashiya wrapped his fingers around his wrists and moved in again.

A delighted _Oh_ exploded behind Itsuki's eyes when their lips met perfectly the second time. Ashiya was a way better kisser than him. _This is why he should've kissed first!_

But the thought slid away as his mind wandered to the warmth spreading through his body. His hands slipped off Ashiya's shirt and up to his neck. Itsuki could feel the fast flutter of Ashiya's heartbeat beneath his fingers as he leaned deeper into the kiss.

Itsuki felt languid and dizzy when they finally broke apart. Ashiya rested his forehead against his, and they stood like that for a moment, tangled and slightly mussed.

Ashiya pulled back. "Well," he said with a shy smile.

"Well," Itsuki echoed with an answering smile. "You do the kissing from now on."

Ashiya laughed lightly. "You were plenty good once you got the hang of it."

"Mm," Itsuki hummed. Pride fizzed in his chest. "I expect I'll need more practice, though."

"Oh, yes, of course. We'll make sure you get all the practice you need."

Ashiya's eyes shone with mischief and Itsuki wanted to kiss him all over again. So he did. Because holy hell this beautiful boy was his now and he could kiss him anytime he liked. Ashiya laughed against his lips and wrapped his arms around Itsuki's waist.

" _Ahem._ "

They jumped apart. An older gentleman in a park uniform stood a few feet away.

"The garden is closing soon. You have a bit longer to enjoy the atmosphere," he said, and paused, smiling indulgently at their guilty expressions. "But please be out by the end of the hour."

"Yes, sir," Itsuki mumbled.

The man walked off.

Ashiya cleared his throat. "So, uh, my mom invited you to dinner."

"...Oh?"

"Mm-hm." Ashiya pressed his lips together. "It's a little early for dinner, though. So we'll probably have to hang out in my room for a bit until it's ready." He glanced sidewise at him.

Itsuki's eyebrows shot up. "Oh. In that case…" He strode to the nearby tool shed's door and held up two fingers. "Come, Mononokean." He pushed the door open and pointed. "Faster than the bus."

"Fast learner already," Ashiya laughed as he stepped into the Mononokean.

Itsuki smiled. A vortex of unfamiliar feelings swirled in the pit of his stomach, but he wasn't afraid of it anymore. He knew that whatever came at him now that he'd have Ashiya by his side to help make sense of it all.

He followed Ashiya into the Mononokean and let the door slip shut behind them.


End file.
